What is Dialogue Therapy?
FOUNDATIONAL TRAINING IN DIALOGUE THERAPY & REAL DIALOGUE
Intimate and other relationships in the 21st century present unique demands in regard to equality, authenticity, reciprocity, and accurate witnessing. All adults who are in equal relationships – spouses, partners, siblings, grown children and parents, friends, co-workers – are stressed by the demands of equity and equality. Leaders, teachers, and managers are also stressed. People in all walks of life want to be seen and heard accurately, instead of being misperceived, due to bias, indifference or stereotypes.
Many people avoid conflicts in these circumstances because they can become so painful and unrewarding as to be emotionally threatening and dangerous. Without effective and respectful conflict, however, decisions and negotiations cannot take place. In intimate relationships, destructiveconflict or avoidance of conflict also undermines trust. Transformative and respectful conflict between equals restores trust, and between intimate partners or grown children and their parents, it allows for the deepening of love.
The skills and knowledge needed to sustain trust, in an atmosphere of attunement and equality, go beyond the parameters of “better communication” or secure attachment bonds, often the focus of couple counseling. They require an ability to be mindful, insightful, and self-reflective, even in the midst of emotional activation (triggering). Negotiating differences of desires, styles, opinions, beliefs, and preferences, while remaining emotionally open to transformation, requires methods beyond what most popular psychologies offer.
Dialogue Therapy is a time-limited, short-term structured couple therapy that addresses these 21st-century demands. Drawing on psychoanalysis, mindfulness, and techniques of psychodrama, Dialogue Therapy is designed to transform emotional entanglement (projectiveidentification), active and passive aggression, and hostile by-products of unconscious desires and needs.
Created originally by Polly Young-Eisendrath, Ph.D. and Ed Epstein in the mid-1980s, Polly has continued to develop the method and its meaning. Her books, Hags and Heroes (1984), You’re Not What I Expected (1993), Love Between Equal: Relationship as a Spiritual Path (2019) and, Dialogue Therapy for Couples and Real Dialogue for Opposing Sides Methods Based on Psychoanalysis and Mindfulness (2022), help couples and therapists use Dialogue Therapy and benefit from its discoveries.
“Imagine the wisdom of a long-term contemplative practitioner woven together with the insights and compassion of a psychoanalytically trained and deeply experienced couples therapist . . .and you’ll get a sense of the tapestry that is [Dialogue Therapy]”
VIDEO: Polly Young-Eisendrath, Ph.D. talks about love between equal partners and developing the skills for navigating relationships in the 21st century.
Foundational Training in Dialogue Therapy
Held at the beautiful von Trapp Family Lodge in Stowe, Vermont this three session training is the first step becoming a Certified Dialogue Therapist. 78 CEs for psychologists, social workers, mental health counselors (26 CEs per session).
Through this training you will learn to:
Use the methods of Dialogue Therapy with couples
Gain certification as a Dialogue Therapist
Facilitate difficult conversations
Increase emotional contact and clarity in pairs
Recognize the role of differentiation in true love
Remain mindful during emotional triggering and conflict
Dialogue Therapy Weekend Intensive:
Changing the Course of Your Relationship
Come to Vermont to change the course of your relationship with Polly Young-Eisendrath, Ph.D. as the therapist, coach, and mentor to your relationship. This intensive dose of Dialogue Therapy in a special weekend format is the perfect choice if you are coming from a long distance, simply want an intensive intervention, or to hone your Dialogue Skills with your partner. Polly’s office is located in the beautiful atmosphere of central Vermont. Stay at a local inn or bed and breakfast and enjoy the breaks between sessions. The cost is $420 per hour for 15-hours of intensive weekend work directly with Polly Young-Eisendrath, Ph.D. Contact Polly to learn more and schedule.
SAMPLE WEEKEND SCHEDULE:
Friday: 3 - 6 pm: Introduction, Evaluation, Relational History
Saturday: 9 am – 12 pm: Continuing Relational History 2 - 5 pm: Working on a Conflict Using Dialogue Skills
Sunday: 9 am - 12 pm: Practicing Skills 2 - 5 pm: Building Empathy for Your Partner and Yourself
Dialogue Therapy: Full Treatment Program
Dialogue Therapy with Polly consists of 13-14 hour (60 minutes) sessions which may be done singly or clustered. The Evaluation process takes place on a weekly basis until it is complete, and then couples come once a month until the Dialogue Therapy process is completed. There is a sixth-month follow-up as part of the therapy. Contact Polly to learn more and schedule.
DIALOGUE THERAPY WITH A SINGLE THERAPIST:
Each numbered session below is 60 minutes, usually held weekly depending on the availability of the therapist. Sessions may be combined into two hours, scheduled weekly, or bi-weekly. Polly’s fee for an intensive weekend will be at least twice her standard fee for Dialogue Therapy. Her fees for intensive weekends vary depending on the dates and arrangements made. Please contact her directly for those arrangements.
Evaluation of the Couple: First 4 -5 meetings
Working on a Conflict: 2-3 Meetings
Practicing and Refining Skills: 2 Meetings
Testing Your Empathy for Partner: 2 Meetings
Using Dialogue Skills: 2 Meetings
DIALOGUE THERAPY WITH CO-THERAPISTS:
Two therapists with the couple. The first session is three hours, all other sessions are two hours, sessions are monthly.
Session 1: Introduction, Evaluation, Relational History
Session 2: First Session of *Dialogue Therapy*: Working on a Conflict
Session 3: Second Session of *Dialogue Therapy*: Practicing Skills
Session 4: Building Empathy for Your Partner and Yourself
Session 5: Using the Skills of *Dialogue Therapy* and Empathy to Repair Trust
Session 6: Final Session: Refining Your Skills
Session 7: Follow-up: Six months Later
Download frequently used forms:
Dialogue Therapy Informed Consent Form
Overview of Dialogue Therapy for Couples
Praise for Dialogue Therapy for Couples and Real Dialogue for Opposing Sides: Methods Based on Psychoanalysis and Mindfulness by Jean Pieniadz, Ph.D. & Polly Young-Eisendrath, Ph.D.
“We live – politically and psychologically — in a world of deaf ears, isolated silos, and grotesque caricature. For democracy to survive, we need to find ways to listen deeply, see others’ points of view, respect differences, and generate creative dialogue. In this exciting and ground-breaking book, Pieniadz and Young-Eisendrath describe the conceptual and practical tools this requires. Elegantly eclectic, they integrate ideas from psychoanalysis, feminism, psychodrama, attachment theory, and Buddhism. Central to their practice are attentive witnessing, dialogic space, and validation of autonomy. Real Dialogue has implications that extend far beyond couple therapy to conflict resolution and political change. Beautifully and accessibly written, it will appeal to a wide audience of both professional and lay readers.”
“This ambitious, beautifully written text represents decades of accumulated clinical wisdom. Integrating feminism, Buddhism, psychoanalysis, and empirical scholarship, the authors show how to help antagonistic parties to listen respectfully, grow in self-knowledge and autonomy, and appreciate the equal humanity of the other. Their work is both inspiring and quintessentially practical. I recommend this book to all therapists who work with couples as well as to professionals in the fields of coaching, consulting, and conflict resolution.”
“Drs. Pieniadz and Young-Eisendrath are on the pioneering edge with their elegant and highly effective model of Dialogue Therapy and Real Dialogue. As someone who has worked for years to help heal the broken-hearted and offers hope to those who steadfastly believe in love despite their many bumps and bruises along the way, I’m thrilled to discover this graceful, heartfelt, compellingly simple, yet brilliantly deep work to awaken our ability to grow greater levels of compassion and care between us. These two superb luminaries are my new relationship gurus.”
“Responsibility for understanding others starts with the individual, and this book shines a light on tools to help in healing the rifts in communication, whether between couples or in the society as a whole.
The authors reflect on the important need for a new understanding between partners, given evolving ideas about modern relationships as equal partnerships. In using Dialogue Therapy, Dr. Pieniadz and Dr. Young-Eisendrath avail themselves of multiple perspectives, including Buddhism and psychoanalysis, to help couples fulfill their needs for love, but also the need for their own individual growth.
The authors’ knowledge of psychoanalytic ideas of projection and projective identification describes how outmoded and unconscious ways of relating, “rooted in early family life,” can obstruct real communication. Achieving true intimacy in relationships remains a challenge for many couples, but the authors provide a necessary space here to work on meeting that challenge.”
“A case could be made that Mindfulness Skills are central for achieving happiness independent of conditions—extraordinary happiness. The case could also be made that successful Communication Skills are key for happiness that depends on conditions, i.e., what people ordinarily call happiness. Bring those two skills together, and you have an effective new way to deal with pernicious old problems. Drs. Pieniadz and Young-Eisendrath invite you to a deep dive in a bracing pool.”
“It is well known that Dialogue Therapy— since its creation four decades ago by Polly Young-Eisendrath—has helped lift countless intimate partners out of deadening emotional ruts. This book describes and develops the model which makes brilliant use of psychoanalysis, mindfulness, and psychodrama. Couple therapists of all schools of thought will benefit from the authors’ description of a method that goes beyond interpretation and transference cures. It will be essential reading for those who aspire to see love “as a form of psychological and spiritual development.”
“A real therapy for the human heart cannot start with a directive for improvement but must thoroughly understand and transform the reasons why the default outcome of human interaction is usually a failure of joy and connection. This real therapy requires a breadth and depth of philosophical vision crystallized into a program of concrete action. Dialogue Therapy for Couples and Real Dialogue for Opposing Sides: Methods Based on Psychoanalysis and Mindfulness has just that magical formula. The authors of this book bring an incredible range of spiritual practice, depth psychology, and couples therapy knowledge to the ongoing, felt, and ailing interactions between people. In lucid description, this book outlines the primary mechanisms of relationship problems, as well as a stepwise and robust way out. Their unique incorporation of centuries of wisdom about the human condition with practical application can give practitioners and anyone in any relationship a distinct method for creating connections that are sustainable and vibrant.”
“In Dialogue Therapy for Couples and Real Dialogue for Opposing Sides: Methods Based on Psychoanalysis and Mindfulness, Polly Young-Eisendrath and Jean Pieniadz offer a powerful framework for working with and within couples and relationships as a whole. Building on the foundations of Dialogue Therapy, incorporating key new insights, such as those regarding “projective identification,” and amplifying the fruits of incorporating the clarity and present attention of Buddhist-based meditation, the authors show that therapeutic practices must evolve with the rapidly changing nature of relationships themselves, relationships that promise new possibilities but also bear greater responsibility for each person. A must-read for anyone engaged in clinical practice but also those generally seeking to deepen close relationships.”